Don't fucking call me "fluffy"!

Hello everyone and welcome. Have a seat, won't you? There's plenty of them, never can have enough chairs. Especially when you're a fat loser. That probably comes off as harsh, just maybe a bit too brash, for some of you. For some reason, any time you call yourself fat, some putz tells you that's a horrible thing to say. Mind you, I didn't say "fat loser", it's just when you call yourself fat. I don't know what it is about it. Obviously there are people that treat fat people like shit, so I imagine that has something to do with it. There is even a fat comedian out there that tells everyone that fat is one of those obsolete words, like colored, and that the proper term (mind you, he just made this shit up) is "fluffy". Don't fucking call me fluffy. Maybe that should have been the title for my blog, instead, we'll just have to settle with it being the title for this particular blog post.
I don't want euphemisms for fat. Fuck that. What good will it do us? OK, I understand in the case of races and nationalities. I understand why the Poles don't want to be called Polocks, and the blacks claim they don't want to be called niggers, (I say claim, because there are quite a few that seem to rather like the word, now aren't there? Until they get their own house in order, perhaps they ought to leave others alone.) and the spanish don't want to be called spics, etc, etc, ditto, ditto...
It's different for all of them, and the reason is rather unpopular. They REALLY were born that way. There's nothing they can do to stop being Polish, black and Spanish, and why should they WANT to? The words that they dislike generally have derogatory connotations that they feel are used to oppress, and no one likes to be oppressed.
In the case of fat people, we really weren't born this way, and even if we were fat babies (I do know someone that has a rather fat baby. Which is odd since no one else in the family is fat, really) it's not like there's nothing we can do about it. There's just about ALWAYS something we can do about it. I know, some fat folks have Thyroid issues, but they also make medication for that! I'm not an expert, and I don't really know anyone going through this, but if they can medicate the problem, doesn't that mean you can lose weight??? Maybe not. I don't know.
I can only speak for myself. I don't have a thyroid problem. The second the possibility was mentioned to me, some years ago, I had it checked out. No thyroid problems. Nobody to blame but myself.
And people tell me I shouldn't call myself fat. Why the hell not? Aren't I? Last time I checked, I was. See, what happened was, I looked in a mirror, and I had to keep backing up to get all of myself in the mirror. And the mirror was fucking huge! THAT MEANS I'M FAT! So why shouldn't I say it? Because it might make me feel bad? Oh boo-hoo!
I notice that some of the same people, if you use the word around them, or especially with them, in hushed tones, about someone else, will giggle. Suddenly they're not so admonishing. Oh, I can say someone else is fat, and has problems, but not myself? What a bunch of horse shit!
So I'm fat. And I'm sick of people telling me I'm not. And I am a loser. No play on words, here's the deal: I weigh over 500 pounds. Not a type, let me prove it - I WEIGH OVER FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS! F-I-V-E, COUNT 'EM! FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS.
I don't have an exact weight for you. I will soon enough.
But that's not all.
I'm unemployed. My last job was a truck driver. That doesn't make me a loser, but I lost that job last year. I am going back to school. That doesn't make me a loser, but I'm 30. That doesn't really make me a loser either. But I'm living at home. Oh, yes, I know, everyone lives at home. But it's not my home, it's MY PARENTS HOME!!! This is their internet connection that I'm using! My bed is in one of their rooms! My pickup truck - they sold it to me! FOR A DOLLAR!
Granted, I know some people that say that just makes me lucky. Well, it is rather nice, and certainly better than I'd be doing on my own, but that still makes me a LOSER!
Don't think so? Here's one for you - I have to ask them for gas money. What would you call that?
So, why should you bother reading? I don't really care. I'd ask why you're still here at this point...but...honestly, I don't care.
I'm not writing this for you. If you read it, think it's funny, learn anything, or find yourself inspired (or some such other bullshit) great. If you leave a comment, that's fine. It's your business.
I'm writing this for me. I want some kind of journaled effort (I was half thinking of calling this "Diary of a Fat Fuck" but I like the Clockwork Orange theme better!) to document my attempts at weight loss. I want something that I can use to help myself stay on track.
See, here's the thing. I think some people believe that maybe there really isn't anything we can do about our weight. So often we say that we've tried and nothing has worked. "I've tried every diet out there!" Well, that's an exaggeration. I'm pretty sure the diet those folks in Ethiopia live on is quite different from anything you or I have tried. (Unless you, the reader, happen to be an Ethiopian. Then I suppose you've probably tried it.)
And then there's those diets that claim that they're not really diets at all. I'll believe you've tried all of those. Why not? It sounds so easy! And what do you really have to lose? so don't be surprised when they don't work.
Of course, one thing that just about every diet says you need to do, in addition to your food consumption is exercise. And just how many of those diets did we combine with exercise? Right....
At this time, I belong to three different gyms. That probably sounds like overkill. I joined my Dad's gym last summer. I hadn't bought his pickup yet, so I didn't have a car and it's an hour drive, so he gave me a ride there and back every day. (He works near there)
So I went most days and I worked out sporadically. I swam a lot. There were two swimming classes in the morning. They were filled with old people. I attended both of them. Then I would...swim, usually. Maybe once or twice I got upstairs for a workout, but usually I just swam.
I stopped going upstairs all together in September, and in November, I stopped going to the gym at all. In the Spring I started college. The University has a really nice gym. As a student, I have a membership there. Dad cancelled the membership at his gym (Oh, didn't I mention he was paying for it? What a loser!), and I was going to start going to the one at the college. I had the truck now, I spent a lot of time at the college, but I never did use the gym. I've signed up for a summer course this summer at a local community college. They have a gym. I'm also a member there, because I'm a student. But I haven't used it yet either.
Oh, last night, I claimed to. I left the house late yesterday. Why late? Because I sleep late. No school or work right now, so I stay up late (I do try to get to sleep earlier, but it doesn't happen well) and I wake up late. Like at least 10 hours after I go to sleep, late. That's right. I'm a loser.
I left to go to the gym at 4 yesterday. Now, I say I have 4 gym memberships because my Dad, nice fellow that he is, started my membership at his gym back up again. It's a SERIOUSLY nice gym. So Left yesterday and decided that I didn't want to deal with the traffic, or Dad's crazy "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride" backroads short cuts, so I said fuck it.
Now, I could have gone over to the gym at the local college. It's right down the road. But instead, I went to the cigar shop, had a shot and a beer, turned on a movie, and lit one up.
When I got home, my folks were real interested in hearing how the gym went. I really didn't want to deal with the whole "why didn't you go???" bullshit. If you nag me, it'll just make me want to do it less. And I intended to go to the gym today. So I told them that I hadn't gone to Dad's gym, but the one at the college. When they started to bitch about that ("Why'd I bother putting up the money for my gym if you're just gonna go to that one?!?!) I just kind of blew it off.
So I lied to my parents about going to gym yesterday. Still think I'm not a loser? I don't think it's possible that I'm not, after that.
So I went to the gym today. I really did. Good thing I didn't tell the folks I that I went there yesterday, because it turns out there's a problem with my membership. I had to let Dad know so he can straighten it out tomorrow.
So the purpose of this blog is to record my efforts. I will include my history, some time in the future, to explain how I got here. I think that's important, and since I'm doing this for me, that's what I'm going to do. And if you must read this, you're going to have to get used to words like fat and loser. Because that's what I am. That's why it's in the title.